The friend zone is bullshit and here is why.
GOD I AM SO SICK OF HEARING MEN CLAIM THEY WERE FRIEND ZONED.
As defined by Urban Dictionary, the Friend Zone is: “What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, ‘You’re such a good friend.’ Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another.”
The reason the friend zone gives me such a bad taste in my mouth is women are under no obligation to return romantic feelings for a man and the existence of a “friend zone” suggests otherwise. A man claiming to be “friend zoned” by a girl suggests that the only reason he was nice to her in the first place was for the potential of sex — and once she makes it clear that she isn’t interested in having sex with him, he gets the second place trophy of her dumb friendship.
Men who say they were friend zoned are often the same Nice Guys who think that if they had tried harder they could have won her over. These men view women as pretty sparkly prizes with vaginas. Men can win one of their own if they are just patient and nice enough and avoid the friend zone. Becoming friends with a girl is what men get after they fail at that. It’s their consolation prize.
It’s always the Nice Guys getting friend zoned. A Nice Guy would argue that he gets friend zoned because all women want are men who treat us like shit. How many times have you heard a guy say that women only date “bad boys” and he’s single because no woman appreciates how god damn NICE he is? I wish I had a dollar for every time a guy has said something like that to me. Actually I wish I had a 100-dollar bill for every time a guy has said something like that to me because if I’m going to get rich I might as well get Romney rich.
This also suggests that there are only two types of men out there: nice guys and assholes. Of course, these Nice Guys aren’t nice at all! They’re just incredibly entitled: a Nice Guy thinks if he puts in the effort to be friends and listens to a girl talk about her relationships, then she owes him sex. If she doesn’t want to have sex with him, she’s a bitch. If he never talks to her about how he feels or she rejects him, he was Friend Zoned. There is no situation where the woman isn’t a shitty person for not wanting to sleep with him.
I was friends with a Nice Guy once. He made me laugh and listened to me talk about my ex-boyfriend and my shitty job. We went out for drinks often. A lot of the time, he’d buy me a beer. When those beers were empty, I’d buy a round. I like doing that — it shows drinking camaraderie. Maybe it got a little uneven. Maybe he bought more than I bought for him but I thought we were being friends. Then he tried to kiss me. I turned my head and apologized and felt bad. I probably said something like, “you’re such a good friend.” But after that happened once, anytime he got a few drinks in him, he was petitioning his cause to me, explaining why he was such a Nice Guy and why I should date him, but that wasn’t very nice of him at all. My feelings didn’t change but now I felt like shit–telling someone “no” all the time doesn’t feel great and making someone sad makes you sad, too. The last time I saw him, he was yelling at me in front of a bar at closing time about how he had bought my drinks and put in the effort and how I led him on and God, Stephanie, why won’t you come home with me? I suddenly owed him something because he wanted it from me. He gave me emotional support when I needed it so now I owed him sexual intimacy. How NICE of him.
The idea of the Friend Zone creates an atmosphere of sexual expectation exclusive from desire. If a man is nice to a woman, it is because of the possibility of having sex with her. If a woman is nice back with out sharing the same expectations, she’s leading him on, she’s putting him in the friend zone, she’s a bitch or a prude or a cunt. Her desire to sleep or not to sleep with him is inconsequential–she owes him sex because she led him on by being nice and because he put time and effort into being nice to her and if she does not wish to have sex with him it says something not about her but about All Women.
There is, however, one place where the Friend Zone exists. The Sims. I’ve played an
embarrassing amount a lot of The Sims and know if one Sim becomes Best Friends with another, they cannot enter a relationship with each other. No matter how much one Sim flirts, the other won’t ever get hearts above its head. So the next time some guy starts complaining to you about being stuck in the friend zone, tell him to take a break from The Sims and come back to reality.